76 Days at Sea

Only about 4 1/2 weeks left of my trip, and Japan on Friday. The last couple of weeks have become harder than I expected, though my trips in port have still been amazing. There are a lot of emotions from a mix of things - that the trip is almost over, that I will be leaving my friends, that I will be seeing my family and friends back home again, that I graduate in less than 6 months, that I need a job and an apartment ...just trying to figure out overall what I want, and what I want to come back to - and then the sudden event of Kurt's death. Although we were not good friends, he was on the Intercultural Committee with me and I can't get it out of my head. I tend to take things personally even when they don't happen to me, because I can't help but think how I would feel if they did, or worry that they could. Some people know this as one of my flaws because I become too concerned about what is going on in other people's lives and it affects me far more than it should. I cannot help but think about Kurt's family, and wonder, how could this happen? We are so close to being home, how could he not make it? His parents were waiting for him to come home, as were his friends, and his twin brother. It's just such a shock - it could really happen to anyone. I want to cherish each day and make the most of it but I just feel depressed right now and can't get out of this funk. This trip has made me realize the importance of some things, and the unimportance of others. Seeing someone so young, my age, pass away so unexpectedly, really added another aspect on an already confusing time. I am finding myself unable to deal with all of the changes now and that will come. It really makes me question, what is important to me and how do I want my life to be?